Nha Trang

Leaving Hoi An, we boarded a Vietnamese Air ATR-72, one of my least favorite planes. It heaves and pinwheels into the air, turning every atmospheric disturbance into a gut-wrenching lurch. Our destination, reached happily without barfing, was Nha Trang, a coastal city that had had an important military airport during the war.

Today, Nha Trang and its beautiful bay are all about tourism, both foreign and domestic. Large hotels line the beaches. Strips of open air restaurants provide a gathering place for a vast population of underemployed motorcycle taxi-drivers. Along the coast runs a wide boulevard and a concrete boardwalk. Vietnamese youngsters crowd the beaches in bicycles. The only sound you hear, though, is the towering waves pounding the coastline. No one can swim here, but that doesn't stop them from coming.

As with much of Vietnam, we've been impressed by Nha Trang's fast-approaching modernity. Poverty exists of course, especially away from the coast, but this is a country on the upswing. Everywhere new buildings are going up, streets are being paved, and the strange concrete blockhouses are receiving their coats of bright lacquer.

We checked into our hotel, and walked along the beach. There, we were struck by something. Stretching across the miles of beautiful white sand were acres and acres of sunburnt European flesh.

Naturally, the sight of all those bloated bodies was worrisome to a true patriot. For years, America has been the undisputed world power when it came to waistlines. Our Nachos Bell Grandes, Whoppers with Cheese, and Grand Slam Breakfasts have kept us in a class of our own. And while the title is still not in doubt, warning shots are being fired across the bow. New powers are gathering at lunch counters around the world, devouring pizzas, choucroutes, and haggises whole. They are ordering an extra schnitzel when no such schnitzel is nutritionally necessary. Who knows where it will end?

I urge my countrymen to get to work. We cannot afford to rest on our capacious laurels. To the trough! Applebees and Papa Johns await, my friends! Go forth. Order something made in a skillet, and get it with a side of hamburgers!